As we approach the end of this year's LGBTQIA+ Pride month, Tony Chew shares his story about having to reclaim his identity after moving to the UK from the Philippines.
We're grateful to Tony for taking the time to explore this and love the way he's connected his story with wider systemic OT issues.
If you're inspired by Tony's story, we've just opened up our EDB strategy for consultation. Please make your voice heard.
Tony Chew, Msc Occupational Therapy Student
Tony's story
For most of my adult and professional life, I have lived as an openly gay man.
Living in the Philippines has allowed me to live out this identity without having to think much of the label. I worked and lived in the business capitals where the gay scene would be a stone's throw away from my home and office. The label, role or identity was just something I’ve lived but never had to advocate for. Mind, I came from a country still fighting for any legislation to be recognised as equals and protected as the LGBTQIA+ community. This never bothered me as I felt we were open enough that people saw me as ‘Tony’ rather than a gay man.
Moving to the UK to take the MSc program, I decided to tone myself down and felt like I had to go into the closet for the first time in my life. In my north England town, I didn’t feel as safe dressing as I usually would, with bright colours and fluidity.
Part of my daily routine was wearing make-up suited for men, as seen in a K-Pop promo, which I also needed to tone down further when the masks weren’t required anymore. This is because I've been physically threatened for looking gay and having make-up on while on a train from London back north. I found irony in this as I had never experienced this in countries with no equality act but felt most scared in a country that had all the facets of being “politically correct.”
When Occupational Justice was discussed at my university, I felt the support of lecturers and the opportunity to regain my identity of being gay. My self-confidence and loss of motivation were nudged when my lecturer even encouraged me to do a presentation on the role of OT in the community. I still remember telling her in a conversation, “I’m struggling with this assessment because I don’t understand how having the ‘right’ laws made people more of a target.” She encouraged me and my groupmates to build this into our presentation to educate people on how to help others feel safer. This was when I realised my current path was showing me that I needed to learn to fight and not just be.
The man who threatened me on the train is something I'm thankful for.
As a student OT, going into a new environment, learning about British cultures and experiencing various placements, my experience thus far has already taught me a lot about reclaiming my identity and pride in being a gay man.
First, listen beyond words. We'll always experience ignorance. Listening to the tone of how something is delivered and the choice of words matters. The man who threatened me on the train is someone I’m thankful for. His ignorance twoards a man wearing a bright orange kimono and eyeliner was said in a tone for me to learn strength in. I’ve lived most of my life comfortably, but for the first time I taught myself to vocalise that his words and threats show more of his character than of mine. I’m also thankful that because of experiencing his words, I saw who truly would accept and support me to stand up taller than who I was.
Then there’s the tone of opportunity. I heard a professional health worker once who was assigned to work on LGBTQIA+ Pride decorations say, 'I don’t get these colours for the binary or whatever they are.' The tone of voice in which it was delivered showed an opportunity to educate. Clearly, this person had no malice, ill intent or harmful intentions with words. It was an opportunity to explain why each flag colour is purposeful and what it means to stand with pride. As a marginalised community, our existence is always a protest. Showing our true colours in this season makes us feel seen and hopeful.
Educate those willing to be educated and lead with compassion.
Finally, please don’t make everything political. This is to the community as well. Both kindness and resilience take energy from us. We have much to stand for, but let’s choose our battles. It’s a double edged sword to have legislation to protect the community. It also makes us more visible to ill intent. Educate those willing to be educated and lead with compassion. Engaging with everyone who attacks us could sometimes fuel the fire more than diminish it. It is not to say we turn a blind eye. This is to remind everyone that there will always be someone, including ourselves, that will see our true worth. Focus your energy on the people who are worth it, and if you have the energy to spare, allow it to be what you share with those who may still be in the dark.
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There's so much strength in Tony's words. If you have your own OT Pride story we'd love to hear it! Why not email it to us? marketing@rcot.co.uk
You can also add your voice to our EDB Strategy and support our profession in becoming a welcoing and compassionate space.